BDD is something I have and it's something I will deal with for the rest of my life. I can't trust what I see in the mirror because in my mind I'm overweight. I'm not thin enough. I'm ugly. But to everyone else around me, I'm beautiful, thin (too thin according to some people), and the perfect shape. I wish I could see what other people see and sometimes I do. Unfortunately, I don't see it all the time.
When I was little people bullied me because I was overweight. When I was 12 I began to exercise and I dropped 30+ pounds but there was still that anxiety. The anxiety of not being good enough. The anxiety of not being thin enough. I wasn't like the other girls around me. I wasn't small or petite like them and that made things worse.
This disorder has triggered other disorders, mainly eating disorders. Sometimes I'll go a while without eating and then other times I'll eat all day. I'm never hungry. My stomach has shrunk so much that I don't know when to eat or when to stop because I can't feel anything anymore. It's a problem but it's one I'm trying to fix.
I'm not saying this to get attention. I'm saying it because this is very real and it's not something to joke about. #BDD #bodydysmorphicdisorder #eatingdisorder