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Broken Boundaries|| I am craving to be Image by mel

Broken Boundaries|| I am craving to be alone so bad. I think the main problem with having friends over is, that even though I need alone time so badly everyday - everything that happens internally shuts down and waits until it finds a place to be again.... good friends would always understand you needing space ... but the problem is not them ... having late night chats and girl talks is what I also crave from time to time... I think it is me thinking I need to keep my insides together and my feelings under control and that I clearly have struggles setting boundaries internally - so I get angry when I don’t have them at least from the outside. It kind of scared me ... if I will be ever able to let someone close because I prefer the loneliness and quite where I can here my heart’s whisper from afar. I guess I suck at hearing my heart in the first place, which is why I am scared of noise, chaos or falling . A lot of fear is clinging to my throat, begging me for rest. My heart is not there yet, opening up while you are still keeping your garden sacred, being compassionate without disrespecting your current needs and pushing them to the future as if this is neverland where problems can be paused. Big part of my fear is that people just stepped over my boundaries and violated every ‚no‘ they could. ‚This happened over and over and is happening again at the moment . I am stalked . This here my safe place -writing - became my biggest threat. And I am really not sure how I should make videos or write anymore, knowing my safe place got crashed. My past is greeting me and am really not ok. It can take some time to process and not be scared of every message or account anymore just because it has 0 post and could be a fake. This is an honest reflection without a solution and it fears half truths and misunderstanding comfort. I just need a big portion of truth to make me feel free again.